What do I do with it now?
This ring.
It sits on my dressing table. Camouflaged by bottles of perfume so I can’t see it.
I know it’s there.
I know I could put it away. Hide it in a never, never drawer.
I don’t know why I haven’t yet.
So it just sits there, quietly. Untouched. Ignored. Discarded.
Like an unwanted children’s toy that used to be admired. Adored. Loved.
Now it serves no purpose. It’s out of date. It has no meaning to it anymore.
I haven’t been able to bring myself to look at it since all this heartache happened.
To open the deep purple velvet case with the brass clasp and look inside at it sparkling on its satin cloud.
I wonder if it still sparkles?
Or whether, like me it has lost it’s sparkle too?
Sometimes my eye falls upon it as I sit at my dressing table.
The deep purple box with the brass clasp.
But I have trained my eyes to look away. To pretend it hasn’t been seen.
I can’t even touch it. I’m frightened of how it will feel. How I will feel.
So it quietly waits. Waits for the next move. Waits to see what its future will be.
What future does such a thing have?
Does it get sold on to the next promise of love?
It doesn’t feel right to do that somehow.
Would I always wonder who was wearing my happy ever after?
My promise of love.
Would it think of me? Even though it belonged to someone else?
Would it wonder how I was? Whether I had got used to the idea that it wasn’t mine anymore?
Would it care?
Should I pack it away with all my other reminders of a time gone by?
The photos. The photos of two people in love. Two people who are now strangers.
The silly heart shaped trinkets given in romantic moments.
A heart shaped lollipop,
A heart shape molded from a piece of bread at a romantic dinner for two.
Love letters. Written to me on my favourite coloured paper. In my favourite coloured ink.
Cards containing secret whispers. Secret promises.
I know I need to pack them all away. Bury them.
I will.
I’ll get round to it.
Just not yet.
Not a nice space to be in at the moment but it does get better. When you’re ready to move on you’ll start the process of clearing out mentally and physically. You never know you might even get your ring melted down and create something new and beautiful to match your new beginning. It will be your symbol for the new things to come in your life then.
Enjoy your life and when you’re ready, get out there and meet some new friends. The hurting will ease and eventually go as other events replace this change in your life.
When you need us we’re there for you and all other Singles.
Oh dear. That is one of the hardest things about break-ups, endings, etc. All the physical reminders. I attach so much meaning to things like that. I have “relationships” with inanimate objects…and project feelings and emotions onto them. I can understand what you must be going through.
There is no rush though, to sort those things out yet. Take your time, and you will know when it is right.
Maybe with the ring, you can change it somehow…make it into a pendant or something. That way you keep it, but change the meaning of it.
The ring signifies an important time of your life, but by changing it, you are claiming that time as your own…as something that changed YOU.
Dear shisymbolinternational,
Thank you for you lovely comment. Apoligies for late reply.
Felt better after writing this post. Nice to know there’s people out there that understand.
Dear Miss E
The ring has been a bit of a silent issue untill now, I have to admit.
I think you are right though, I’m gonna take my time before I decide what to do with “it”.
I was once involved with a guy with lovely, long hair. During the course of our relationship, he decided to cut it off. I kept the long, ponytail of hair for sentimental reasons. A couple of years later, we broke up. I kept that piece of hair with me for the next year, taking it with me when I moved. So many memories and feelings still attached to it.
When I moved again, a year later, I came across it. I was surprised at how somewhere along the way, it had become lost and forgotten in my clutter of “stuff”.
I threw it in the trash without a thought. Along with the cards, the photos, the books…and the ring.
“I know I need to pack them all away. Bury them.”
Let it sit. It will eventually bury itself.
Thanks Java, I really hear the voice of experience from you.
I am just letting it sit for now. It’s in the same place I put it the day I took it off.
It’s been a tough few days, and just when I see some light it all gets dark again. I just don’t feel very strong today, I am weighing up in my mind whether I should agree to meet him. A letter I recieived yesterday from him has got me wavering.
I appreciate your thoughts and your personal experience.
Thanks for stopping by.
Until this past week or so, being caught up in house hunting, I’ve read your blog everyday. I just haven’t commented as much. And I’m just getting caught up on posts again. It’s easy for me to read another’s words and see all of the mistakes. But not so easy to voice my thoughts on another’s trip.
Were I your real life friend, having read everything you’ve written, I would tell you to be wary meeting with him. Be wary of emotional traps. People can change…but not over night, as romantic as it would be.
He has exhibited all of the mood swings and patterns of a person who isn’t getting his way. Now he is at the remorse stage. But is it remorse for you, or for himself? Who is it ultimately serving?
Were I speaking with my best friend, I would say…”if you reach the decision to meet, let that decision then sit for a few days…and see what happens on his end…how long will he hold this mood before swinging to another…if it doesn’t hold…then it wasn’t very sincere to begin with. Actions go farther than words.”
Whatever you decide to do, I wish you luck. You’re a smart lady, I’m sure you’re aware of all of the above. I’m just offering a little validation to the part of you that has a right to be cautious after what you’ve experienced.
Dear Javatoo
Thank you for your thoughts.
Not a good day today, a friend of mine has picked this up on the phone a moment ago and is on her way over.
I have a funny feeling she will give me the same advice as you!
I will be fine and it will be fine. I know in my heart what I have to do. It can just be very difficult to break out of old patterns though….
I’m going to now crack open a nice bottle of wine and toast my survival skills!
I do appeciate your supportive words.
javatoo = java …I just wasn’t signed in. Enjoy your friend
Dear Javatoo=Java
I was wondering…
Hope you have found a home.
Big job, the house hunting thing.